The last interview I had was sometime last year. It was regarding a position at the Larimer Humane Society. I walked on in and asked for the lady who had called me. I took a seat and waited. As usual, I felt extremely nervous and wanting to back out at the last minute. What if I dressed wrong, what if I talk wrong, what if I make a horrendous first impression? Of course as usual I expected that I won't be getting the job.
Well then the lady came out and I followed her to her office, proceeding to the interview. Of course the beginning of it started off really awkward due to my nervousness and anxiety problem. After awhile, the interview actually started to become better and I began to feel less nervous.
I felt extremely good coming out of the interview. The interview actually felt like it went well and fun for once and after the first couple minutes my nervousness died down to a minimum. The way she talked to me made me feel like she was really interested and that I had a really good chance of getting my first job! I was ecstatic and hurried home to write my follow-up/thank you letter. Then I started to look for a more fancier thank you card plus what I would write in it should I get the job. Well days passed by and I had no news, and according to some websites it said that I should contact her after a few days. So I did and she said they were still finishing up on the interviews. So, I waited some more, maybe a week passed before I knew the results.
I then received the email from her regarding the position. I opened it with extraordinarily high hopes to see that I finally got my first job. Much to my dismay, it read that they had chosen someone else...
With profound disappointment, I wrote back thanking her for her time and consideration. I also asked if there was something I could have done to make myself more ideal. Well, I never received a response after that.
After that I really felt exceptionally depressed for several days, often crying myself to sleep. I was such a freaking fool to get my hopes up so effing high. Why? Why did I do that? If I hadn't, maybe I wouldn't have felt so down and hurt. I didn't do it before, I had always expected nothing but the worst that's why being told I didn't get the job didn't hurt so much before. But this time because I freaking moron and got my effing hopes so effing high that it hurt so bad. It really hurt, my heart sunk to endless pit, I was so sad, so broken. It really hurt like something else. For once I felt like I had a good chance, that I could be useful, that I was good enough for someone, and that I finally found my place in this world. Finally, finally, finally!!! But boy, was I extremely wrong.
Ever since then, I've been really avoiding filling out job applications. I would find one fill it out, then close out of it at the very last step. I really do need a job, but now I am so deathly afraid of interviews. Before I would be happy just to get an interview because it meant I was one step closer to getting a job since I hardly ever get an interview. But now, I am just horribly scared I just can't go through with it.
Just thinking about this and writing about it brings me to tears and making my nose rain boogers, it just too painful for me to bear. I wish it would just go away, but it won't. It is such an agonizing memory, one I will probably never forget...
January 30, 2011
January 27, 2011
Alternate World Dream
I remembered last night's dream. My sister and I were at PetSmart, looking at some aisle. I remember at the end of the aisle were the tanks that had live reptiles in it. I remember seeing a small python-like snake trying to attack a little girl through the glass to no avail, because the girl kept banging on its tank and disturbing it as it was trying to eat a rat it just killed. I remember either the rat or the snake being grey in color and the snake having patterns on its back.
Then I remember buying the snake... and its meal and ending up going to the nearby King Soopers. I remember being there with my new snake while it still tried to swallow the rat, and remembering being at the cashier with several cartons of milk. I told my sister that we were buying too much milk, but went ahead and purchased them. As we were leaving, suddenly we found ourselves in an alternate world.
I saw a large building in the distance, and we headed towards it. When we reach the building, I enter it and at this point my sister completely disappears from this dream. I enter, and was greeted by a group of people and they escorted me to the basement to a room with 3 doors; . I see and old guy working on something. Suddenly some alarm sounds and instinctively I run to one of the two doors that I had not been through. I open it and walk in and look up and see two stones on the ceiling, one of them was lit up and green. The old man asks, "is it Catherine?" and I said no. Then he says, "pick a door, you must escape." I run to the other closed door, and the other people follow; I look up and see two stones too, one of them was lit up as well, but it was black. So we leave through this door and as we escape, we encounter the "enemy" and fight them. Unfortunately we were defeated, and my dream ends here.
Pets
To see a pet in your dream, represents civilized instincts. You are keeping your temper in line. Alternatively, seeing a pet indicates a need for love and acceptance. Perhaps, you are lacking attention from others and are feeling neglected.
Python
To see a python in your dream, represents lurking danger, sin, lacking freedom and overt sexuality. The symbol may also parallel a waking relationship where you are feeling constricted and confined. Alternatively, a python may signify your determination.
To see a python kill its prey, suggests that you are feeling emotionally stressed and anxious. You are being suffocated in some area of your life.
Snake
To see a snake or be bitten by one in your dream, signifies hidden fears and worries that are threatening you. Your dream may be alerting you to something in your waking life that you are not aware of or that has not yet surfaced.
Rats
To see a rat in your dream, signifies feelings of doubts, greed, guilt, unworthiness and envy. You are keeping something to yourself that is eating you up inside. Or you have done something that you are not proud of. Alternatively, a rat denotes repulsion, decay, dirtiness, and even death. The dream may also be a pun on someone who is a rat. Are you feeling betrayed?
Girls
To see a girl in your dream, represents your playful, innocent, and childlike nature. Perhaps you are behaving immaturely in some situation. Alternatively, a girl represents the feminine qualities of your character.
Gray
Gray indicates fear, fright, depression, ill health, ambivalence and confusion. You may feel emotionally distant, isolated, or detached.Alternatively, the color gray symbolizes your individualism.
Market
To dream that you are in a market, represents some emotional or physical need that you are currently lacking in your life. You may be in need of nurturance and some fulfillment. Consider the specific items that you are shopping for. Alternatively, the market signifies frugality.
Milk
To see milk in your dream, symbolizes maternal instincts and motherly love. It also denotes human kindness, wholesomeness, and compassion. Alternatively, the dream may be a metaphor that someone is "milking" you, either emotionally or financially.
Building
To see a building in your dream, represents the self and the body. How high you are in the building indicates a rising level of understanding, awareness or success. If you are in the lower levels of the building, then it refers to more primal attitudes and/or sexuality.
Groups
To see a group in your dream, refers to the merging of various aspects of your character and personality.
Basement
To dream that you are in a basement, symbolizes your unconscious mind and intuition. The appearance of the basement is an indication of your unconscious state of mind and level of satisfaction.It represents primal urges, animalistic desires and basic needs. The dream may also be metaphor for "abasement" or being "debased". Are you feeling humbled or unworthy?
Three
Three signifies life, vitality, inner strength, completion, imagination, creativity, energy, self-exploration and experience. Three stands for a trilogy, as in the past, present, and future or father, mother, and child or body, mind, and soul, etc. Dream of the number three may be telling you that the third time is the charm.
Door
To dream that the door is closed or locked, signifies opportunities that are denied and not available to you or that you have missed out on. Something or someone is blocking your progress. It also symbolizes the ending of a phase or project. In particular, if you are outside the locked door, then it suggests that you have anti-social tendencies. If you are inside the locked door, then it represents harsh lessons that need to be learned.
Man
To see an old man in your dream, represents wisdom or forgiveness. The old man may be a archetypal figure who is offering guidance to some daily problem.
Black
Black symbolizes the unknown, the unconscious, danger, mystery, darkness, death, mourning, rejection, hate or malice.The color invites you to delve deeper in your unconscious in order to gain a better understanding of yourself. It also signifies a lack of love and lack of support.More positively, black represents potential and possibilities. It is like a clean or blank slate.
Escape
To dream that you escape from jail or some place of confinement, signifies your need to escape from a restrictive situation or attitude. Alternatively, it suggests that you are refusing to face your problems. You are avoiding the situation, instead of confronting them.
Enemy
To see your enemy in your dream, represents opposing ideas and contradictory attitudes. You are in denial about something or you are rejecting someone. Enemies may also represent the enemies within yourself and the inner conflict you have with yourself. Consider the phrase "I am my own worst enemy." Perhaps you are trying to rid yourself of certain aspects of your character.
To dream that you are dealing with an enemy, represents a resolution to some inner conflict or waking life problem.
Defeat
To dream that you have been defeated, indicates that you are headed in the wrong direction. You need to reevaluate the situation and rethink what is really best for you. Alternatively, the dream suggests that you need to learn from your experiences, even the negative ones.
Then I remember buying the snake... and its meal and ending up going to the nearby King Soopers. I remember being there with my new snake while it still tried to swallow the rat, and remembering being at the cashier with several cartons of milk. I told my sister that we were buying too much milk, but went ahead and purchased them. As we were leaving, suddenly we found ourselves in an alternate world.
I saw a large building in the distance, and we headed towards it. When we reach the building, I enter it and at this point my sister completely disappears from this dream. I enter, and was greeted by a group of people and they escorted me to the basement to a room with 3 doors; . I see and old guy working on something. Suddenly some alarm sounds and instinctively I run to one of the two doors that I had not been through. I open it and walk in and look up and see two stones on the ceiling, one of them was lit up and green. The old man asks, "is it Catherine?" and I said no. Then he says, "pick a door, you must escape." I run to the other closed door, and the other people follow; I look up and see two stones too, one of them was lit up as well, but it was black. So we leave through this door and as we escape, we encounter the "enemy" and fight them. Unfortunately we were defeated, and my dream ends here.
Pets
To see a pet in your dream, represents civilized instincts. You are keeping your temper in line. Alternatively, seeing a pet indicates a need for love and acceptance. Perhaps, you are lacking attention from others and are feeling neglected.
Python
To see a python in your dream, represents lurking danger, sin, lacking freedom and overt sexuality. The symbol may also parallel a waking relationship where you are feeling constricted and confined. Alternatively, a python may signify your determination.
To see a python kill its prey, suggests that you are feeling emotionally stressed and anxious. You are being suffocated in some area of your life.
Snake
To see a snake or be bitten by one in your dream, signifies hidden fears and worries that are threatening you. Your dream may be alerting you to something in your waking life that you are not aware of or that has not yet surfaced.
Rats
To see a rat in your dream, signifies feelings of doubts, greed, guilt, unworthiness and envy. You are keeping something to yourself that is eating you up inside. Or you have done something that you are not proud of. Alternatively, a rat denotes repulsion, decay, dirtiness, and even death. The dream may also be a pun on someone who is a rat. Are you feeling betrayed?
Girls
To see a girl in your dream, represents your playful, innocent, and childlike nature. Perhaps you are behaving immaturely in some situation. Alternatively, a girl represents the feminine qualities of your character.
Gray
Gray indicates fear, fright, depression, ill health, ambivalence and confusion. You may feel emotionally distant, isolated, or detached.Alternatively, the color gray symbolizes your individualism.
Market
To dream that you are in a market, represents some emotional or physical need that you are currently lacking in your life. You may be in need of nurturance and some fulfillment. Consider the specific items that you are shopping for. Alternatively, the market signifies frugality.
Milk
To see milk in your dream, symbolizes maternal instincts and motherly love. It also denotes human kindness, wholesomeness, and compassion. Alternatively, the dream may be a metaphor that someone is "milking" you, either emotionally or financially.
Building
To see a building in your dream, represents the self and the body. How high you are in the building indicates a rising level of understanding, awareness or success. If you are in the lower levels of the building, then it refers to more primal attitudes and/or sexuality.
Groups
To see a group in your dream, refers to the merging of various aspects of your character and personality.
Basement
To dream that you are in a basement, symbolizes your unconscious mind and intuition. The appearance of the basement is an indication of your unconscious state of mind and level of satisfaction.It represents primal urges, animalistic desires and basic needs. The dream may also be metaphor for "abasement" or being "debased". Are you feeling humbled or unworthy?
Three
Three signifies life, vitality, inner strength, completion, imagination, creativity, energy, self-exploration and experience. Three stands for a trilogy, as in the past, present, and future or father, mother, and child or body, mind, and soul, etc. Dream of the number three may be telling you that the third time is the charm.
Door
To dream that the door is closed or locked, signifies opportunities that are denied and not available to you or that you have missed out on. Something or someone is blocking your progress. It also symbolizes the ending of a phase or project. In particular, if you are outside the locked door, then it suggests that you have anti-social tendencies. If you are inside the locked door, then it represents harsh lessons that need to be learned.
Man
To see an old man in your dream, represents wisdom or forgiveness. The old man may be a archetypal figure who is offering guidance to some daily problem.
Black
Black symbolizes the unknown, the unconscious, danger, mystery, darkness, death, mourning, rejection, hate or malice.The color invites you to delve deeper in your unconscious in order to gain a better understanding of yourself. It also signifies a lack of love and lack of support.More positively, black represents potential and possibilities. It is like a clean or blank slate.
Escape
To dream that you escape from jail or some place of confinement, signifies your need to escape from a restrictive situation or attitude. Alternatively, it suggests that you are refusing to face your problems. You are avoiding the situation, instead of confronting them.
Enemy
To see your enemy in your dream, represents opposing ideas and contradictory attitudes. You are in denial about something or you are rejecting someone. Enemies may also represent the enemies within yourself and the inner conflict you have with yourself. Consider the phrase "I am my own worst enemy." Perhaps you are trying to rid yourself of certain aspects of your character.
To dream that you are dealing with an enemy, represents a resolution to some inner conflict or waking life problem.
Defeat
To dream that you have been defeated, indicates that you are headed in the wrong direction. You need to reevaluate the situation and rethink what is really best for you. Alternatively, the dream suggests that you need to learn from your experiences, even the negative ones.
January 25, 2011
The Hopeless Profession - Part 1
Money. Is it an essential thing in life? Surely, it is; at least in a part of your life. With money you can buy material things, things you want. However, of course, there are somethings that money can't buy.
It depresses me to the point where I feel overwhelming despair and explicit pangs of sadness drive me insane to even think about the future I want, money, job, things I would like to have. What do I want in life? Well I would like to work so I can have some money to buy me a nice moderately sized house with a moderately size backyard and unfurnished basement which I would dedicate to as my 'fish room'. Then I would love to adopt some Siberian Huskies, and provide them with plenty of enrichment and high quality food. I would also like to have the funds to further my current hobbies or discover new ones.
When I really want something, I start to look for job openings, so I could get a job which would get me some money... but then the immeasurable feelings of despair, sadness, and lack of self-worth begin to set in. I look desperately for a job opening that I believe I can do, and trust me there are hardly any. When I do find one I hurriedly write up my cover letter, resume and fill out the online application. However, at the very last step right before submitting the entire thing I usually end up X-ing out of it. What if I get an interview? Will i have to go through that again? I don't want to be hurt again. It was so painful, so very painful... an immense agony I will never forget....
It depresses me to the point where I feel overwhelming despair and explicit pangs of sadness drive me insane to even think about the future I want, money, job, things I would like to have. What do I want in life? Well I would like to work so I can have some money to buy me a nice moderately sized house with a moderately size backyard and unfurnished basement which I would dedicate to as my 'fish room'. Then I would love to adopt some Siberian Huskies, and provide them with plenty of enrichment and high quality food. I would also like to have the funds to further my current hobbies or discover new ones.
When I really want something, I start to look for job openings, so I could get a job which would get me some money... but then the immeasurable feelings of despair, sadness, and lack of self-worth begin to set in. I look desperately for a job opening that I believe I can do, and trust me there are hardly any. When I do find one I hurriedly write up my cover letter, resume and fill out the online application. However, at the very last step right before submitting the entire thing I usually end up X-ing out of it. What if I get an interview? Will i have to go through that again? I don't want to be hurt again. It was so painful, so very painful... an immense agony I will never forget....
January 23, 2011
This is not a perfect world
It is not a perfect world, and it never will be. If there was then there would nothing to perfect no longer.
The world is ending. What is wrong with this world? There are some mad people mad for some silly reasons, then there are some overly optimistic people. It makes me sick!!! How can they be so optimistic? Have they never experienced the negative side of life? What makes them think that people who are negative all the time really want to live in misery? It may be true for some, but not everyone who is miserable wants to stay that way. How utterly absurd. Miserable people suck? Why don't they walk in our shoes before saying crap about miserable people. Just because you are fortunate enough to experience only the positives in life doesn't make you high and mighty over us. It makes me sick. Some of us are trying to do something about it; and slowly but surely that is. Complaining about life might be the single thing that that one miserable person has left.
Not everyone has the ability think positively after so much. In fact, I think overly optimistic people will be hit the hardest if something exceptionally negative hits them hard in the face. We miserable people are already expecting the worst, so it doesn't hurt as bad. It is absolutely sickening. I do hope to become a bit more positive in life, but not over the top.
The world is ending. What is wrong with this world? There are some mad people mad for some silly reasons, then there are some overly optimistic people. It makes me sick!!! How can they be so optimistic? Have they never experienced the negative side of life? What makes them think that people who are negative all the time really want to live in misery? It may be true for some, but not everyone who is miserable wants to stay that way. How utterly absurd. Miserable people suck? Why don't they walk in our shoes before saying crap about miserable people. Just because you are fortunate enough to experience only the positives in life doesn't make you high and mighty over us. It makes me sick. Some of us are trying to do something about it; and slowly but surely that is. Complaining about life might be the single thing that that one miserable person has left.
Not everyone has the ability think positively after so much. In fact, I think overly optimistic people will be hit the hardest if something exceptionally negative hits them hard in the face. We miserable people are already expecting the worst, so it doesn't hurt as bad. It is absolutely sickening. I do hope to become a bit more positive in life, but not over the top.
January 22, 2011
Cool
Yesterday I went to Aqua Imports to meet up with two The Planted Tank members. I bought some Taiwan Moss from one of them, and handed over my paintball CO2 to the other one to see if he could help fix the leaky CO2 problem. I saw some nice aquaria like Gertrude's Rainbows, Celestial Pearl Danios, Sparkling Gouramis, Brigitts Rasboras, and Crystal Shrimps. They also supposedly had some Cardinal Shrimp and Furcata Rainbows but they were sold out.
I haven't been remembering what I've been dreaming about lately.
I can't wait for my new 10g setup to cycle so I can get some Crystal Shrimp and not have them die in a vat of ammonia again.
I haven't been remembering what I've been dreaming about lately.
I can't wait for my new 10g setup to cycle so I can get some Crystal Shrimp and not have them die in a vat of ammonia again.
January 11, 2011
Clearance Bread
Last night I dreamt that my mom, sister, and I were at the bakery section of a grocery store that kinda looked like Safeway and King Soopers mashed into one. The entire bakery section was on clearance since the store was closing down. There was not much of a selection left. I remember seeing minute amounts of breads and other baked goods. I remember walking ahead, when my sister shouted something like, "Hey, look naan! Naaaaaaan!"
So I turn back and head where she was pointing to, and there were a few packages of Naan left, plus a container containing pieces of it as a sample. I remember taking one, and nibbling on it and walking away.
Bread
To see bread in your dream, represents the basic needs of life. Bread may signify the positive qualities and great things you have learned on your journey of life. Alternatively, it suggests that you need to rise above the situation or rise for the occasion.
Clearance
To dream that something is on clearance, suggests that you are selling yourself short. You may be feeling undervalued or under appreciated. Alternatively, it indicates an old habit or characteristic that you need to clear out and rid yourself of.
Market
To dream that you are in a market, represents some emotional or physical need that you are currently lacking in your life. You may be in need of nurturance and some fulfillment. Consider the specific items that you are shopping for. Alternatively, the market signifies frugality.
To see an barren market in your dream, signifies depression and gloominess. There is a void in your life.
So I turn back and head where she was pointing to, and there were a few packages of Naan left, plus a container containing pieces of it as a sample. I remember taking one, and nibbling on it and walking away.
Bread
To see bread in your dream, represents the basic needs of life. Bread may signify the positive qualities and great things you have learned on your journey of life. Alternatively, it suggests that you need to rise above the situation or rise for the occasion.
Clearance
To dream that something is on clearance, suggests that you are selling yourself short. You may be feeling undervalued or under appreciated. Alternatively, it indicates an old habit or characteristic that you need to clear out and rid yourself of.
Market
To dream that you are in a market, represents some emotional or physical need that you are currently lacking in your life. You may be in need of nurturance and some fulfillment. Consider the specific items that you are shopping for. Alternatively, the market signifies frugality.
To see an barren market in your dream, signifies depression and gloominess. There is a void in your life.
January 8, 2011
Mass Dieout at Petco and Last night's dream
Today I visit the Petco in Longmont, there was at least 1, if not more, dead fish in EACH and EVERY tank including fresh and salt water. Seriouszly... what happened there? Turning into a Walmart or something?
Also last night, I dreamed I was with my sister and mom and we were wondering about how to go to the zoo. So I asked a bunch of bad-ass looking guys for directions and they told me to take the subway. When we got there I remember seeing a huge line for a Ferris wheel and close by was the zoo.
Directions
To dream that you are following directions, represent your need or ability to accept criticism. It also relates to your feelings about authority.
Subway
To dream that you are in the subway, denotes that you are reaching your goal via unconscious methods. By recognizing the hidden aspects of yourself, you are able to move forward in life. Alternatively, a subway suggests that you are making a hasty decision.
Line
To see a line of people or objects, indicates that you need to be more aware of some situation or relationship.
Ferris Wheel
To see or ride on a Ferris wheel in your dream, suggests that you are going around in circles. You are headed nowhere. Alternatively, it is symbolic of wholeness and the circle of life. Life is full of ups and downs.
Zoo
To dream that you are at a zoo, symbolizes loss of freedom. Alternatively, a zoo suggests that your abilities and talents are going unnoticed. You or an aspect of your life feels caged in. The zoo may also represent chaos and confusion as implied by the common phrase "this place is a zoo!" You may need to tidy up some situation in your life.
Also last night, I dreamed I was with my sister and mom and we were wondering about how to go to the zoo. So I asked a bunch of bad-ass looking guys for directions and they told me to take the subway. When we got there I remember seeing a huge line for a Ferris wheel and close by was the zoo.
Directions
To dream that you are following directions, represent your need or ability to accept criticism. It also relates to your feelings about authority.
Subway
To dream that you are in the subway, denotes that you are reaching your goal via unconscious methods. By recognizing the hidden aspects of yourself, you are able to move forward in life. Alternatively, a subway suggests that you are making a hasty decision.
Line
To see a line of people or objects, indicates that you need to be more aware of some situation or relationship.
Ferris Wheel
To see or ride on a Ferris wheel in your dream, suggests that you are going around in circles. You are headed nowhere. Alternatively, it is symbolic of wholeness and the circle of life. Life is full of ups and downs.
Zoo
To dream that you are at a zoo, symbolizes loss of freedom. Alternatively, a zoo suggests that your abilities and talents are going unnoticed. You or an aspect of your life feels caged in. The zoo may also represent chaos and confusion as implied by the common phrase "this place is a zoo!" You may need to tidy up some situation in your life.
January 1, 2011
Last Night's Dream
Last night I remember dreaming about that I was with some guy and we were outside. The sky was kinda grey, but nothing bad at all. I told the guy that I had to go, then I see something forming... a twister. It was kinda clear not too dark and it was extremely close by. I remember trying to out run it to my car and drive away, but I got sucked up and I thought it was the end of my life. The guy tried to grab my hand, I have no clue why he wasn't sucked up. I remember the sickening feel of my body being spun around roughly and being sucked upwards. Everything was in a total blur of course due to the speed and force. Then the twister slowly came to an end and I fell on to the ground.
Tornados
To see a tornado in your dream, suggests that you are experiencing some extreme emotional outbursts and temper tantrums. Is there a situation or relationship in your life that may be potentially destructive?
To dream that you are in a tornado, means that you are feeling overwhelmed and out of control. Your plans will be filled with much complications and you will be met with a series of disappointments.
Car
To see a parked car in your dream, suggests that you need to turn your efforts and energies elsewhere. You may be needlessly spending your energy in a fruitless endeavor. Alternatively, a parked car may symbolize your need to stop and enjoy life. To dream that you cannot find where you parked your car, suggests that you do not know where you want to go in life.
Spinning
To dream that you are spinning, signifies confusion. You are feeling out of control. Alternatively, the dream means that you are going nowhere.
Tornados
To see a tornado in your dream, suggests that you are experiencing some extreme emotional outbursts and temper tantrums. Is there a situation or relationship in your life that may be potentially destructive?
To dream that you are in a tornado, means that you are feeling overwhelmed and out of control. Your plans will be filled with much complications and you will be met with a series of disappointments.
Car
To see a parked car in your dream, suggests that you need to turn your efforts and energies elsewhere. You may be needlessly spending your energy in a fruitless endeavor. Alternatively, a parked car may symbolize your need to stop and enjoy life. To dream that you cannot find where you parked your car, suggests that you do not know where you want to go in life.
Spinning
To dream that you are spinning, signifies confusion. You are feeling out of control. Alternatively, the dream means that you are going nowhere.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
