Wow, I don't know why I am getting excited over a DSLR camera. It's like I'm expecting to get it soon. I currently don't have the money for sure, but if I did I would be running to Best Buy in a heartbeat and buy the Rebel T2i while it is on sale!
Perhaps it is because I am so envious of everyone taking awesome macro pictures, that I really want to do the same. I really do love taking non-people pictures,; especially macro, nature, and landscape photography. I would love to bring it to the next level. You can only do so much with a P&S after all...
Sigh, even if I did have the money I bet my parents would get pissed off anyways. I told my mom last night when I have the money the first thing I'm gonna buy is a DSLR. Then she started rambling on how I'm wasting money and how I don't need it and asked me if I thought my dad would let me get it. In my mind I said of course not; the last time I said I wanted a DSLR he told me that I don't need it because I'm not a PROFESSIONAL photographer or going to be one.
But the Canon Rebel series are an ENTRY level DSLR, professionals use DSLR that cost over $1000 just for the freaking camera BODY (meaning it does not come with lenses) and not to mention $1000+/each LENSES; and god knows what else they buy (expensive flashes?). Wow. And here I am just asking to buy me a $900 camera KIT (comes with a standard quality lens), $600 macro lens, $350 flash, and few more $$$ for the memory card and -necessary- supplies... sure it is definitely a lot of money, I am not gonna lie it does make me cringe, but if you call that "professional" I don't know what those people that spend over $1000 for just the body are... photography gods that overspend?!
They never approve of my hobbies... aquariums, photography... says it is a waste of time and money... now I am feeling depressed as I think about it. Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh...........
Showing posts with label wishlist. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wishlist. Show all posts
February 11, 2011
February 10, 2011
Another motivation...
I submitted another job application, I highly doubt something will happen. I am only motivated now because I really want the following ASAP:
But I know it is all a dream, and that I'm not really going to get a job. But I would probably say that the DSLR digi-cam and the lenses are my first priority. I've always loved photography; especially macro photography, and really wish to bring it to the next level from Point and Shoots.
I do also remember bits of my dream last night. I remember being in a darkish room with white walls, across me against the wall was an aquarium and a light fixture hung above it several inches. This fixture which lights the tank was the only light illuminating the room a little. The tank was very clean and rimless, lots of high light plants, some colorful fishes. I then remembering talking to AzFishKid about plants and his tank, but he was not physically there, as if I were talking to the aquarium itself! Then I remember suddenly standing on a branch high on an leafy tree. The tree had thick stump, brown rough bark, and started branching off fairly low, the branches continued to stay very thick and sturdy. The leaves were moderate in size, ovalate or lanceolate in shape, and had indents at the edge of the leaf. I remember peering away and seeing a fairly big, lit-up city in the distance, the sky was dusk. Then I peer down at the foot of the tree and see two unknown people sleeping against the tree.
Room
To dream that you are in a room, represents a particular aspect of yourself or a specific relationship. Dreams about various rooms often relate to hidden areas of the conscious mind and different aspects of your personality. If the room is welcoming or comfortable, then it signifies opulence and satisfaction in life. If you see a dark or confined room, then it denotes that you feel trapped or repressed in a situation.
Light
To see soft or shadowy lighting in your dreams, indicates feelings and thoughts from the primal aspects and less developed parts of your unconscious.
White
White represents purity, perfection, peace, innocence, dignity, cleanliness, awareness, and new beginnings. You may be experiencing a reawakening or have a fresh outlook on life. Alternatively, white refers to a clean, blank slate. Or it may refer to a cover-up. In Eastern cultures, white is associated with death and mourning.
Walls
To see a wall in your dream, signifies limitations. obstacles and boundaries. There is a barrier obstructing your progress. Alternatively, the wall indicates that you are too accustomed to your old habits and way of thinking. You feel stuck.
Aquarium
To see an aquarium in your dream, signifies that you have acknowledged your emotions but have not yet confronted them. Thus, it may refer to your unconscious thoughts or repressed sexual desires. Also, you may feel that your life is going nowhere or that you feel it is going in circles. Alternatively, the aquarium may indicate that you need to calm down and set some time for yourself to relax and unwind.
Talking
To dream that you are talking does not have any significance unless it is unusual or bizarre. What are you saying specifically. Consider also if what you say evoke strong feelings or behavioral reactions. The dream may simply be highlighting your need improve your communication skills or learn to express yourself more clearly.
Trees
To see lush green trees in your dream, symbolize new hopes, growth, desires, knowledge, and life. It also implies strength, protection and stability. You are concentrating on your own self-development and individuation.
City
To see a city in your dream, signifies your social environment and sense of community. If you dream of a big city, then it suggests that you need to develop closer ties and relationships. You are feeling alienated and alone.
Dusk
To see the dusk of day in your dream, signifies defeated hopes and a dark, gloom outlook in your endeavors.
Two
Two stands for balance, diversity, partnership, marriage cooperation, soul, or receptivity. It can also symbolize double weakness or double strength. The world is seen as being made up of dualities and opposites, as in the male and female, mother and father, light and dark, heaven and hell, yin and yang, etc.
People
To see people you don't know in your dream, denotes hidden aspects of yourself that you need to confront or acknowledge.
Sleeping
To see someone sleeping in your dream, is a reflection of yourself and your own unconscious mind. It is telling you that you may not be alert or informed about a particular situation.
- Adobe Creative Suite 5 Design Premium Student and Teacher Edition
- 29g tank, T5-HO light, CO2 equipment, high light plants, and some Gertrude's, Furcata, and Threadfin Rainbowfish
- Website and Domain name with Whois Privacy
- Canon EOS Rebel T2i EF-S 18-55mm IS Kit, EF 100mm f/2.8 Macro USM Lens, Speedlite 430EX II
- My own house, or a place I own and not rent.....
But I know it is all a dream, and that I'm not really going to get a job. But I would probably say that the DSLR digi-cam and the lenses are my first priority. I've always loved photography; especially macro photography, and really wish to bring it to the next level from Point and Shoots.
I do also remember bits of my dream last night. I remember being in a darkish room with white walls, across me against the wall was an aquarium and a light fixture hung above it several inches. This fixture which lights the tank was the only light illuminating the room a little. The tank was very clean and rimless, lots of high light plants, some colorful fishes. I then remembering talking to AzFishKid about plants and his tank, but he was not physically there, as if I were talking to the aquarium itself! Then I remember suddenly standing on a branch high on an leafy tree. The tree had thick stump, brown rough bark, and started branching off fairly low, the branches continued to stay very thick and sturdy. The leaves were moderate in size, ovalate or lanceolate in shape, and had indents at the edge of the leaf. I remember peering away and seeing a fairly big, lit-up city in the distance, the sky was dusk. Then I peer down at the foot of the tree and see two unknown people sleeping against the tree.
Room
To dream that you are in a room, represents a particular aspect of yourself or a specific relationship. Dreams about various rooms often relate to hidden areas of the conscious mind and different aspects of your personality. If the room is welcoming or comfortable, then it signifies opulence and satisfaction in life. If you see a dark or confined room, then it denotes that you feel trapped or repressed in a situation.
Light
To see soft or shadowy lighting in your dreams, indicates feelings and thoughts from the primal aspects and less developed parts of your unconscious.
White
White represents purity, perfection, peace, innocence, dignity, cleanliness, awareness, and new beginnings. You may be experiencing a reawakening or have a fresh outlook on life. Alternatively, white refers to a clean, blank slate. Or it may refer to a cover-up. In Eastern cultures, white is associated with death and mourning.
Walls
To see a wall in your dream, signifies limitations. obstacles and boundaries. There is a barrier obstructing your progress. Alternatively, the wall indicates that you are too accustomed to your old habits and way of thinking. You feel stuck.
Aquarium
To see an aquarium in your dream, signifies that you have acknowledged your emotions but have not yet confronted them. Thus, it may refer to your unconscious thoughts or repressed sexual desires. Also, you may feel that your life is going nowhere or that you feel it is going in circles. Alternatively, the aquarium may indicate that you need to calm down and set some time for yourself to relax and unwind.
Talking
To dream that you are talking does not have any significance unless it is unusual or bizarre. What are you saying specifically. Consider also if what you say evoke strong feelings or behavioral reactions. The dream may simply be highlighting your need improve your communication skills or learn to express yourself more clearly.
Trees
To see lush green trees in your dream, symbolize new hopes, growth, desires, knowledge, and life. It also implies strength, protection and stability. You are concentrating on your own self-development and individuation.
City
To see a city in your dream, signifies your social environment and sense of community. If you dream of a big city, then it suggests that you need to develop closer ties and relationships. You are feeling alienated and alone.
Dusk
To see the dusk of day in your dream, signifies defeated hopes and a dark, gloom outlook in your endeavors.
Two
Two stands for balance, diversity, partnership, marriage cooperation, soul, or receptivity. It can also symbolize double weakness or double strength. The world is seen as being made up of dualities and opposites, as in the male and female, mother and father, light and dark, heaven and hell, yin and yang, etc.
People
To see people you don't know in your dream, denotes hidden aspects of yourself that you need to confront or acknowledge.
Sleeping
To see someone sleeping in your dream, is a reflection of yourself and your own unconscious mind. It is telling you that you may not be alert or informed about a particular situation.
February 2, 2011
I just want my own life...
I just want to have my own life, have my own hobbies, do things in peace! But how can when I don't even have my own house and my own paycheck? All I ever hear from my parents is how I am making their house smaller and once my things die, such as plant, do not get anymore. What is so wrong with having a hobby? They say when I get a job that I would not have the time to do such thing, so I better stop now.
The world is so unfair. I compare myself to others, and it seems like most people's parents encourage them to have a hobby. Why can't I? When I want to watch some anime or play some video/computer games, all my mom ever tells me is how childish it is and that I should stop since I am not going into that industry. When I want to start a garden, my mom tells me I am not going to be a farmer, and finally when I tell her that I'll be a effing hobo she tells me that is horrible and how stupid I am for saying that.
There is nothing I am good at, I've been avoiding jobs that I have "training" in because I have absolutely no confidence and full of bad "what ifs". My hobbies are something that bring me a little peace of mind, something I can do and feel good about. Sometimes I just feel like giving up on life, wishing I was never born into this miserable world...
One of my mom's regrets is not being more of a "Tiger Mother" and earlier in our lives...
The world is so unfair. I compare myself to others, and it seems like most people's parents encourage them to have a hobby. Why can't I? When I want to watch some anime or play some video/computer games, all my mom ever tells me is how childish it is and that I should stop since I am not going into that industry. When I want to start a garden, my mom tells me I am not going to be a farmer, and finally when I tell her that I'll be a effing hobo she tells me that is horrible and how stupid I am for saying that.
There is nothing I am good at, I've been avoiding jobs that I have "training" in because I have absolutely no confidence and full of bad "what ifs". My hobbies are something that bring me a little peace of mind, something I can do and feel good about. Sometimes I just feel like giving up on life, wishing I was never born into this miserable world...
One of my mom's regrets is not being more of a "Tiger Mother" and earlier in our lives...
January 25, 2011
The Hopeless Profession - Part 1
Money. Is it an essential thing in life? Surely, it is; at least in a part of your life. With money you can buy material things, things you want. However, of course, there are somethings that money can't buy.
It depresses me to the point where I feel overwhelming despair and explicit pangs of sadness drive me insane to even think about the future I want, money, job, things I would like to have. What do I want in life? Well I would like to work so I can have some money to buy me a nice moderately sized house with a moderately size backyard and unfurnished basement which I would dedicate to as my 'fish room'. Then I would love to adopt some Siberian Huskies, and provide them with plenty of enrichment and high quality food. I would also like to have the funds to further my current hobbies or discover new ones.
When I really want something, I start to look for job openings, so I could get a job which would get me some money... but then the immeasurable feelings of despair, sadness, and lack of self-worth begin to set in. I look desperately for a job opening that I believe I can do, and trust me there are hardly any. When I do find one I hurriedly write up my cover letter, resume and fill out the online application. However, at the very last step right before submitting the entire thing I usually end up X-ing out of it. What if I get an interview? Will i have to go through that again? I don't want to be hurt again. It was so painful, so very painful... an immense agony I will never forget....
It depresses me to the point where I feel overwhelming despair and explicit pangs of sadness drive me insane to even think about the future I want, money, job, things I would like to have. What do I want in life? Well I would like to work so I can have some money to buy me a nice moderately sized house with a moderately size backyard and unfurnished basement which I would dedicate to as my 'fish room'. Then I would love to adopt some Siberian Huskies, and provide them with plenty of enrichment and high quality food. I would also like to have the funds to further my current hobbies or discover new ones.
When I really want something, I start to look for job openings, so I could get a job which would get me some money... but then the immeasurable feelings of despair, sadness, and lack of self-worth begin to set in. I look desperately for a job opening that I believe I can do, and trust me there are hardly any. When I do find one I hurriedly write up my cover letter, resume and fill out the online application. However, at the very last step right before submitting the entire thing I usually end up X-ing out of it. What if I get an interview? Will i have to go through that again? I don't want to be hurt again. It was so painful, so very painful... an immense agony I will never forget....
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